Spitballs, greet the 21st Century.

Remember the olden’ days of manual spitballs? It was good fun, but also wholly inefficient. You could only fire off one or two at a time, and hitting your target splat on the bullseye was almost impossible unless it was at ridiculously close range. Even the cruelest pranksters among us got sick of it after a while. 

TP Blaster Sheet Storm from Jakks Pacific renders the old, ineffectual process of spitballing obsolete. The wonky “art” of hawking a crumpled paper loogie is gone. In its place is a hyper-mechanized arrangement in the form of a 14-inch by 4-inch hand cannon

Yes, it’s as cool as it sounds. All you need is a roll of toilet paper, some tap water, and a little assembly. Once the assorted pieces are placed together and the toiletries attached — should only take about 10 minutes at most — holy spitball mayhem may commence. 

You’ll feel like some kind of spitball machine — literally. The TP Blaster shoots its wet paper ammo in rapid succession, fired by a pump handle rocked back and forth by the user. The spitballs themselves are textbook — wet, round, and splattery — and stick to solid targets, such as doors and cardboard. There’s something maniacally fun about doing target practice with miniature soggy paper ammo. 

Naturally, some cleanup will be required, but nothing too crazy. All you’ll really need to clear the splattered remnants from a given area are some paper towels and water. Should the blaster become jammed, it comes with two handy-dandy declogging tools to clear out the barrel or blaster body. 

Some adult supervision is suggested. Kids should not fire the spitballs toward people or animals, nor should they use the TP Blaster Sheet Storm in public places around bystanders and moving vehicles. 

Ultimately, the TP Blaster Sheet Storm is addictive, easy to use, and fun. I would highly recommend it for kids ages 8 and up — or playful adults looking to enhance their spitball experience after the lost glory years involving the lackluster paper-in-straw routine.