When I found out I was having a boy the second time around, I was only slightly disappointed. I knew in my heart it was a boy, but there was always that little flicker that it might be a girl. But when I heard the words, “It’s a boy,” I was relieved. After all, I had spent the past two-and-a-half years being a boy mom. I knew how to be a boy mom. I loved being a boy mom.
Yes, I love being a boy mom. The good. The bad. The ugly.
1. Falling into the toilet. There must be some unwritten man code that states that all men must leave the toilet seat up. It starts from the moment you begin potty training and I don’t think it ever really ends. One would think that it would become second nature to check and make sure the toilet seat is down before sitting, but when it’s an ungoldy hour and I haven’t had my coffee yet, a splash down is inevitable.
2. Speaking of the bathroom, unless you put a big bullseye on the target, there will be pee everywhere. And I mean everywhere. In the trash can. On the wall. Behind the toilet. You may want to retire your pretty bathroom mats until you notice your little men have perfected their aim. Be prepared to scrub the bathroom down every single day!
3. Privacy? What’s that? Your right to privacy is now gone, especially in the bathroom. Notice a theme? This is even more prevelant in public restrooms. Yes, your boy will scream for everyone to hear, “Are you pooping, Mom?” He will also cheer you on when you “tinkle” in the potty, complete with clapping and doing the pee-pee in the potty dance.
4. You have to try not to laugh all the time. I can’t even tell you how many times I have to stifle my laughter with these boys. From the farts to the funny things they say even down to the dumb things they do, you must try not to laugh. Because if you laugh, they will keep doing it over and over again. And then it’s just gets annoying.
5. Speaking of farts, learn to love them. No matter their age, boys will always find farts hysterical. The more you act disgusted by them, the more they will try to crack you with their farts. Embrace them. And giggle on the inside.
6. You will find yourself saying the most ridiculous things. I couldn’t tell you how many times a day I have to say “Get your hands out of your pants.” Or remind them that we don’t lick bathroom walls.
7. There are never enough bandaids. Remember when I said boys like to do dumb things? Yeah, well a lot of those bright ideas end up in cuts, scratches, and blood. You must be prepared. I am not joking when I say I always have bandaids on hand (I have recently added an ice pack and tweezers into my kit). I even have one in my car. Being a boy mom is like being a boy scout. You must always be prepared.
8. This is why we can’t have nice things. Between the messes and the stains, nice things are a thing of the past. As you are doing laundry, you will question why you thought buying them $50 jeans was a good idea (it’s not). There will be grass stains and holes in the knees after one wear. And your white carpets? You might as well rip those up right now. Unless you always wanted them to be beige.
9. There is never any food. If I am not hearing “I’m hungry”, I’m hearing “We don’t have anything to eat.” After coming home from grocery shopping, all of that food wil disappear in about 3. 5 seconds. They fly through food. Growing boys, after all. You will soon become quite the regular at the grocery. You may even want to invest in a warehouse food club membership.
10. You couldn’t imagine your life any other way. I’ve been a boy mom for almost seven years now. Like most parents, I can not picture my life without my boys. I love every minute of it, even the gross, messy ones!